Turn your lights down low
And-a pull your window curtain
Oh let Jah moon come shining in
Into our life again
Saying ooh, it's been a long, long time
I kept this message for you, girl
But it seem I was never on time
still I wanna get through to you, girl?
On time, on time
I want to give you some love
I want to give you some good, good loving
Oh I, oh I, oh I
I want to give you some good, good loving

Turn your lights down low (Word, word word)
Never ever try to resist, oh no (No, no, no)
Oh let your love come shining in (No, no, no)
Into our lives again (No, no, no)
Saying: ooh, I love you (I love you, I love you)
And I want you to know right now (Know right now)
Ooh I love you (Uh uh, yeah, uh uh)
And I want you to know right now (Mm)
That I (No, no, no)
That I (No, no, no)
I wanna give you some love (Mm, uh, yeah, uh)
I wanna give you some good, good loving (Good, good)
Oh I, oh I, oh I (Mm, mm mm, mm)
I wanna give you some good, good loving

Yeah, uh uh
Loving you (Loving you) is a like a song I replay (Baby, is so beautiful)
Every three minutes and thirty seconds of every day (Uh)
And every chorus (Uh) was written for us to recite (Right)
Every beautiful melody of devotion every night
This potion might, (Uh)this ocean might (Uh) carry me (Uh)
In a wave of emotion to ask you to marry me
And every word, every second, and every third
Expresses the happiness more clearly than ever heard (Uh)
And when I play ‘em, every chord is a poem
Telling the Lord how grateful I am because I know him
The harmonies (Word) possess a sensation similar to your caress (Uh)
If you asking then I'm telling you it's yes (Yes, yes)
Stand in love, take my hand and love Jah bless
Right, right

I want to give you some good, good loving
Turn your lights down low
And-a pull your window curtains

(I said right, right now)
And let Jah love come tumbling in (Right, right now)
Into our lives again (Uh, uh said right, right now)

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last night i felt lonely watching airplanes fly across the sky
most of the time, they go unnoticed.

most of the time i go unnoticed
and also last night as i walked by.
the one who's supposed to feel lonely
must have taken the six o'clock flight.
on one of them,
bound to be happy
away.

i felt lonely watching them go
i felt lonely watching myself go.


I've also seen them fly above me, making me wonder if the one I'm meant to be with was also up there looking down on me. But then, destiny or not, I know. The one I wanted to be with was on the same x-y plane as I was at that exact moment.

I miss you. Even for just a fraction of an emotion. I miss you, perfect stranger.

- written the night before I realized that the desire to be with him and feel his touch was, finally, gone. Amen.

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UNDAS

After months and months of being away, I went home during the break. Huwow. Realization: I missed my dad. And my brother.

The night I arrived in town, sinundo ako ng mga kaklase ko nung high school. At tumoma. Shet. Whoever heard me sing, please applaud. Para hindi naman ako mahiya sa sarili ko. Haha. Realization again: There's no easy way to break somebody's heart.


PASUKAN

Unang araw ng klase. Unang hangover. 7 am pa klase ko (pro bow to me, I was sane enough to get up early and go to class). Leche. Sumakit lalo sana ang ulo ng may pakana ng inuman kagabi! At sorry, Ate Rona, hindi ko napigilan :D Naknamfucha kasi ang enrollment.

In all fairness, may pag-asa akong gumradweyt next semester na. Huwow ulit, kung hindi pala ako nag-LOA, e di on time ako gagraduate. Yes. Ang yabang. Huwag lang muna ipagkakalat sa pamilya, baka ma-pressure ako. The need to speed things up makes me agitated kasi. I am tired of studying. Pero recently, when Dad asked me of my plans after graduation, I told him I wanted to review for the board, pass, and get a job. Dad said no. Mag-masters daw ako. At aba, tinanong niya pa kung ano mga plano ko. Aaaaaarrrgh. Ayoko na mag-aral!!! (Pero masayang maging dependent pa rin. Ahem ahem, hindi dapat ganyan mag-isip).

Pagpupugay pala kay Ferman, graduate ka na. Galing mo, chong. 4.5 years. Idol na kita.

... At kay Kenikenken din sa makulay na profile niya sa Friendster. I-transplant natin yan sa amin! Hahahaha.

ROCKSTAR. Ako. Ikaw. Tayong lahat, my friends. Hindi na tayo bum.

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we barely survive the abuses we inflict upon ourselves

we never mean to be unkind the colors leave us blind

we get what we deserve we pay for what we get

here is the game and here is the cycle

while I ride my motorbykle

here is the game and here is the cycle

while I ride my motorbykle

Ride

we brave the accusations & stand on burning bridges

blame it all on weakness & crucify our innocence

we get what we deserve & we pay for what we get

here is the game and here is the cycle

while I ride my motorbykle

here is the game & here is the cycle

while I ride my motorbykle

now we have come to our hi-ways' end

run along now & carry on

embrace the changes sanctify this distance

we're certified experienced to do it all again

but we get what we deserve & we pay for what we get

here is the game and here is the cycle

while I ride my motorbykle

here is the game & here is the cycle

while I ride my motorbykle

Ride

 

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For the past two or more weeks, bum ako. Not officially. I still get to do things for the org. Pero most of the time, bum talaga. Kumarzi, M, another M, and I have created the perfect bumsquad. We've been asleep during the day and out walking, smoking, drinking, reading, or whatever it is we don't actually plan to do during the night. I've met more new friends in two weeks than my usual three months. I've been tipsy twice or more during sessions, and have done stupid things I wish I didn't do. Nilulubos-lubos ko lang kasi ang pagiging hindi estudyante. Malapit na ulit pasukan. Baka hindi na mauulit 'to for a while din.

Yesterday, nanood kami ng Cine Europa sa Shangrila. Syempre, andaming tibak na andun kasi libre at may substance ang karamihan sa mga films. Anyway, we got there much earlier than the scheduled showing kaya another-M suggested na uminom. So pumunta muna kami sa inuman katabi ng Shang. Pero guess what? Dahil hindi na ako nakakanood ng balita, natanga ako nang sinabi ng babae dun na may LIQUOR ban daw. Leche. Kung kelan kelangan mo, dun mawawala. Pagkatapos naming manood, we rode the bus to Philcoa and from there, we walked home. Naghanap kami ng alcohol sa Mercury, Ministop, Grill, Saras, mga tindahan. Pero wala talaga. Hay. Hanggang ngayon, wala pa rin. Kaya maghihintay na lang kami hanggang matapos ang bilangan sa eleksyon saka maghahappy happy.

Looks like ggraduate ka talaga ngayong sem. Huwow. Congratulations. Board exams--make Aggrelito proud.

Kanina naman, around 11 AM ako nagising kasi nagtext si Don. We talked, I started reading Jun Cruz Reyes' Tutubi, Tutubi, Huwag kang Magpahuli sa Mamang Salbahe (nice book, by the way. Satire. Makes you laugh and think at the same time). I slept again two hours later. Dinalaw (at ginising) ako ni Kumarzi at around 4. Pumunta kami kina M. We walked around the campus for a while. Whenever I walk around the acad oval, wave after wave of memories come rushing in. It was only then I realized how big those little walks have become. I never would've been looking back with a smile or an escaping tear without people I walked with on that cracked cement path. There always seems to be something significant about some specific bench or tree or rock on that oval. And eventually, I'll be walking with more people and creating even more memories as I struggle along here. I'll be preparing a bigger memory bank, then.

***

Irrelevant comment: Ang hirap palang maging in demand, no? Hindi na ako nasanay. Hahahaha.

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okey na ako. i won't be missing him. physical attraction lang yun (pag nabasa niya ni basi mapantig iya dalunggan. hay, amo gid na ya ang mga absorbed. char). galing ng hula ni N**l. hahaha.

mageenrol na ako this semester. yay.

boo.

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you say my cigarette brand tastes like paper. so you smoke marlboro lights, instead. i do only if i've ran out of mine.

you like loud music. but thanks, you once tried to find me my kind of tunes.

you hate to walk. i love to. everytime.

you're so laidback, your spine might have been jellies in their past lives (if ever they're true). i think you're too cool and calm for me.

you don't talk much in front of other people. surprisingly, i don't recall a time when we've ran out of things to talk about. hmm, comforting thought.

you drink a lot. you may deny it, but you're still you whenever you're drunk--always the same sober you. just a little loud, perhaps.

you are a rockstar. i am, too. don't protest.

you smell everything. or anyone. i liked it everytime you assumed i just showered even after a whole hectic day's worth of being around the city.

you force me to stay away. but you hold my hand whenever you can. why? "kasi gago ako." i don't think you are, though. i miss the way my hand fits yours perfectly.

you hugged me so tight when i gave up. i never held anyone that close before.


don't think that i never believed you when you said you tried. that, exactly, is what pains me now. i wish i could hate you, i really do. but i won't. it wouldn't change how things are now. and i'm scared to think that it will, eventually. hoping tires me. waiting does, too.

i'll be just fine missing you. but i hope it doesn't stay this way for long--sana maging mabilis lang ang proseso ng paglimot.

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Light a fire, hand me your lighter
I borrow you for a night and another
Drown in smoke, chills in the cold
Shivers through words untold

Take my hand and compromise
I won't mind if you take it back after this time
Kisses shared, then hearts spared
Only for a while
Only for a while

Mem'rized your hand when there was me.and.you.
Or so I thought. We came so soon
Into those infinite wordless conversations.
I never held on tight like I said I would (so you let go)

The touch that lingers, the dancing eyes that stare
Leave me hanging with the hurt to bear
Got to apologize to my broken heart
Should have stopped even before the start

Take my hand, don't compromise
Don't take it back after all these times
Kisses to share, hearts yet to spare
Through the days
And days (who knows when)
And days (who knows when)

Though, now, I cannot own your all and all
I can only borrow you for a night or another
Who knows
Maybe you'll soon fall

St0p.

***

Wohoo. Patawad, puso. Akala ko binantayan kita nang maigi. Hindi ko pala alam. Sabi nga ni Ricky Lee, "... tumayo ka sa gilid ng bangin. Kapag napagmuntik-muntikanan ka, dun ka lang matututo." 

Harsh.

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Oh, the razorblade, that's what I call love,
I bet you'd pick it up and mess around with it
If I put it down
It gets extremely complicated.
Anything to forget everything.

You've got to take me out,
At least once a week
Whether I'm in your arms,
Or I'm at your feet.
I know exactly what you're thinking
You won't say it now
But in your heart it's loud

Oh no, my feelings are more important than yours.
Oh, drop dead, I don't care, I won't worry.
Let it go.

Oh, the razor blade,
Wish it would snap this rope
The world is in your hands
Or it's at your throat
At times it's not that complicated
Anything to forget everything.

He would never talk,
But he was not shy
She was a street-smart girl,
But she could not lie
They were perfect for each other
Say it now
'Cause in your heart it's loud

Oh no, my feelings are more important than yours
Oh, drop dead, I don't care, I won't worry

Hey!

Sweetheart, your feelings are more important of course
Of course
Everyone that wanted
Everything that we would take from them
I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know
Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me

No, don't.
Okay

-RAZORBLADE, The Strokes

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masaya pa naman ako ngayon. hahaha. =) di ko lang alam bukas. anyway, guiding principle ko na ba ngayon ang there's no day but today? there's no day but today. who knows what might happen in the days to come? ang mahalaga, masaya habang hindi pa nasasaktan. i won't let that happen to me. never. ayoko muna. kaya, sabi nga ni Mad Eye Moody, constant vigilance. sabi naman ng nanay ko, you can do whatever you want just as long as you know what you're getting yourself into, you stand guard at all times, and you're ready to face the consequence alone for every choice you make. no one's there to help you but yourself ("not even me," says my lovely mother. haha. i miss her).

I want to let you know that I'm alright... for now.

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